Tree
trunk legs, ham arms, love handles, tyres... I have never been
particularly pleased with my body shape and doubt I ever will. One of
the earliest memories I have of a photograph being taken I still
unfortunately have in my possession is my first day at my second
school. In the picture I am standing in a classic photographer's pose
stance with hands beside my hips and gargantuan legs slightly apart.
It is an exceedingly unflattering photograph, from the pre-brace days
when I had rather distinctive rabbit teeth with a gap between them
more than accommodating enough for a two pence piece to slot between.
Over
the years I've lived off both the Atkins and The Cabbage Soup Diet
and contemplated the Thatcher Diet but been too disturbed by the vast
quantity of boiled eggs you're required to eat. I've more recently
settled on a more successful but an unhealthy mixture of daily
pilates style stretches and calorie control interspersed with binge
style meals out.
This
week, I discovered the first diet that has appealed to me in some
time. A tiny little NIB in Metro alerted me to the Schroth
Cure in Oberstaufen Retreat, Germany.
Dating back to 1949, this diet involves consuming a mere few hundred
calories a day (vegetables,
cooked fruit and salt-free crackers), a spot of exercise broken up
with rest and most importantly alternate dry and "drink" days.
The non-dry days and exercise aim to take your mind off the hunger,
help you forget and “spur on [the] immune system”
Although
apparently hugely successful, the diet does have one drawback –
dieters are risen at 4am in order to be wrapped in freezing cold
sheets covered in hot water bottles and blankets. First reading the
Metro Nib, I honestly believed they'd published this bizarre news
item preposterously late or far too early for April Fool's:
http://www.thelocal.de/national/20120918-45041.html.
Bizarrely,
since discovering it involves early rises, the diet now seems more
credible. After all “no pain, no gain” eh? Or perhaps “loss”
would be more appropriate? Either way, if work permitted, I'd be more
than happy to sample this Schnapps heavy highly efficient
“life-changer”.
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