Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Frisky Felines

I'm woken from a light slumber by a repetitive motion near my feet. The heat is making it difficult to sleep and I've not been “out” long so I'm partially conscious. It feels like something is gently riding my feet.

I hear The Boy laughing, something resembling fabric scraping across fabric and a motorised engine-like noise. Sleepily lifting my head, I look down to see a purring Maj with his ghost costume in his mouth straddling my feet bobbing up and down like he's humping my lower body. The sight unsurprisingly causes me to chuckle and I'm back to square one, trying to clear my head of thoughts and return to the land of dreams.

Although he admittedly has a bit of a foot fetish, this is the first time The Maj has decided to mount my feet but certainly not the first time we've witnessed his bizarre nightly sexual routine. About six months after adopting The Maj from the Howarth Cat Rescue Centre, I purchased a dog's Halloween costume that made him look like a member of the Klu Klux Klan and fitted rather poorly.

Like his mum, The Maj likes his food and isn't keen on waste; he soon claimed the costume and put it to use, dragging it around the flat while loudly yowling in order to alert us to his need for food or loving. In more recent months, he's taken to dragging the costume around, simulated humping, more dragging with some near tripping, gazing at himself in the mirror, more dragging, more humping...

This bizarre ritual seems to have increased in recent weeks with him shunting around in a circle, almost as if he's making sure we witness this spectacle from every angle. We've also unfortunately noticed a Maj erection for the first time since getting him some two and a half years ago.

My mum wisely suggested the diet food he now exclusively dines on may have side-effects but so far web searches have proved fruitless. I've found myself wading through links selling Hill's c/d prescription diet pet food and others that are amusing but unhelpful, including titles such as “Please Help! Can fixed cats still... uh, ejaculate?”

Next visit to the cat doctor some questions will be asked but in the meantime, we'll have to continue to be amused and confused by our frisky feline.

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