Monday, 14 January 2013

Potty Mouth

For the last month every now and again, The Boy has asked me if I can smell “cat piss”. As we have a furry friend who has his own portaloo in the flat, it is quite likely he is indeed smelling feline wee wee. Investigations, have however, proved fruitless and various perfumes have unfairly born the brunt of the blame.

Last weekend, I'm waiting in Leeds train station for the rest of the gang to purchase tickets and my brace-wearing friend is the first to rejoin me. She desperately needs a drink and as she's unable to chew gum and there's no time to make a purchase, I offer her one of the throat sweets I have just finished.

Ten minutes later, we're sitting on the train and I notice a rather unpleasant smell. “Can you smell cat piss?” I ask my bemused companion. It seems Jakemans' menthol lozenges have something in common with garlic; It is only some time after I've finished eating mine, I'm able to smell the rather unpleasant odour they give off.

As someone who easily succumbs to sore throats, I'm regularly in need of a soothing helper and discovered Jakemans quite some time ago. Since finding the brand in various pound shops, I've become quite a fan, particularly pleased by their impressive sucking time (I've made it through a film with a significantly diminished sweet still going as the end credits roll).

I'm so keen I've even encouraged others to purchase them; Now I'm wondering whether anyone else made the unfortunate mistake of trying the blackcurrant ones. I normally favour the cherry or blueberry flavours and these seem to be safe but blackcurrant emanates the offending odour.

Since the weekend's shocking discovery, The Boy is pressurising me into getting rid of the remaining lozenges unable to stand the urine breath emitted while sweet-sucking. Not liking waste, I'm struggling to throw away perfectly tasty throat sweets that admirably do their job but I'm also wary I'll forget their unpleasant side-effect and publicly shame myself by convincing someone I'm incontinent or frequently neglect basic personal hygiene.

Although Jakemans bring a much more literal meaning to the idiom “potty mouth”, I shall remain a fan, attempting to spread the word – they have been going since 1907 after all so must be getting something right but be warned, avoid their blackcurrant variety:

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