Having been back from my holiday for nearly two weeks now, we've been asked to leave feedback about the villa five of us rented near Lake Como for the remaining three days of our escape. Our stay didn't begin well after my friend's car was scratched by a piece of the garage door perilously tumbling on top of it on arrival. The log fire we'd been looking forward to using was apparently "out-of-action" and for "display purposes only", despite the large pile of firewood in the garage and adverts for the property suggesting to the contrary. We soon discovered the villa's caretaker lived above us and could easily pop in and out as he pleased and after exploring all the rooms, found a seriously disturbing painting:
An even more worrying boxed possession:
And an eerie tunnel running around three walls of the house like something a masked gimp would patrol in a horror film:
It was hardly surprising we initially mistook stacked sun-loungers for a surgical table:
After the paranoia of the first night, the rest of our stay was thankfully smooth-running with restaurant recommendations all proving well-worth a visit, even if other suggested tourist activities were an impossibility during the winter season or a serious let-down.
Having just left mixed feedback, it seemed appropriate to share an amusing survey of holiday home providers I've been sent:
Top Five Most Bizarre Requests
A toupee stand - the holidaymaker complained when the owner didn't have one that every respectable beach house should have its own.
Hot water bottles in the villa - this was a request made in Costa Blanca for the last two weeks in July when the outside temperature is 24 degrees at night.
A pot for the poo - after speaking to the holidaymakers, the owner determined it was a potty they wanted for their three year old child.
Are clothes compulsory? - The owner advised that public nudity was banned in Barbados, although they were OK to walk around inside the property naked. The holidaymakers requested that as the owner lived on site, they would expect her to comply with their revealing "dress code" too.
A donkey to ride a pregnant bride up a long wooden platform.
Top Five Strangest Items Left
1. Two pet rabbits next to two violins - the owners are still looking after the pets now.
2. A set of surgeon's scalpels - the owners carefully checked every part of the property to make sure there were no hidden body parts.
3. A full roasted pig with head and legs still fully intact left on the breakfast bar.
4. A wedding dress screwed up in a ball left in the master bedroom wardrobe.
5. A whip found on the top shelf of the main bedroom wardrobe (alongside other related items).
I'm now wondering what feedback our chatty Italian left about us and if we left anything comical behind... I hope so!