Thursday, 11 August 2011

All Dressed-Out With No-Where To Go

So I'm back in Leeds and I feel like a hermit. I managed to land some much-needed writing work for over the summer and have taken on much more than I can reasonably handle without my health rapidly declining. I have 31 days worth of work to do before I go on holiday which means I have 25 days to do this in, including weekends. The average day is supposed to be comprised of re-writing 65 product reviews for a certain big-name catalogue website. As I already have weekend plans, my week days follow a rigid work schedule:

  • Get up around 9 to tidy my inbox

  • Start the first batch of 65 product rewrites

  • Have a break after about 20 to make a vitamin drink I hope might make me feel more alive

  • Continue writing at least another 20 before taking another break to eat something quickly

  • Finish the first batch of 65, do my daily pilates routine for 40 minutes and have a shower

  • Start the next batch of 65 rewrites

  • Have a quick break after around 20 rewrites where I might treat myself to unloading the dishwasher, doing some other over-due writing work that's a tad more creative or cleaning the Major's litter tray

  • Continue for another 20 rewrites before briefly stopping to eat something and making a quick phone call while preparing food

  • Finish the second batch of 65 rewrites in the early hours of the morning

Of course not every day is quite like this but nearly every day. I was afraid I'd be having nightmares about dresses, instead I have a permanent dull headache. Don't get me wrong – I'm really appreciative of the work and a keen dress wearer but working “double days” is exhausting.

The hardest part is writing positive reviews when I'd really love to be honest and pen an enjoyably venomous product description:

This sack-like dress from ? hangs shapelessly from the body yet somehow manages to accentuate fat tyres. Available in a range of ill-fitting sizes, for a tasteless look pair this with figure-hugging 80s leggings to get that shapely camel-toe look (http://www.celebsin • Washable but may shrink • 100% itchy polyester • Length approx: 86 cm (34 ins) • Sizes S - XL to fit sizes 10–16

The dresses I'm writing about seem to come in waves. Last night I reached the “ho” section and again found it difficult being positive about a whole array of near identical minis:

Dress like a street-walker in this unflattering cheap-looking dress from ?. Perfectly teamed with over-the-knee “f••k-me” boots and crotchless panties this is a dress that'll get you some unwelcome attention at 3am when the club lights come up. • Hand-wash to remove unsavoury stains • Body: 96% Polyester, 4% Elastane. Frill: 100% Polyester • Wearing length approx. 82 cm (32 ins)

Writing about 100s of dresses, sadly hasn't put me off buying them (much to The Boy's dismay), despite feeling all-dressed out. I can't wait for the start of the tops section... Cramming this much work into so few days, reminds me of preparing for exams - the end is in sight but in the meantime life is a monotonous haze of over-whelming somewhat repetitive tasks. Thankfully, unlike school days, the end is not a nerve-wracking exam but a week relaxing in the sun and hopefully catching up on some much needed sleep.

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